


Breathless

by LlawenGwaed



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s04e03 Day of Honor, Episode: s04e05 Revulsion, Episode: s04e07 Scientific Method, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:34:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23287843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LlawenGwaed/pseuds/LlawenGwaed
Summary: Sometimes life is breathtaking. Othertimes it's more breath stealing. Yes, it's an early S4 how stuff happened/missing scenes all around the theme of being breathless. Also, the last three 'fics I published didn't really give either of them a scene together.Chaptered out by episode. Hurt comfort because B'Elanna keeps nearly suffocating in those three episodes.
Relationships: Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 24
Kudos: 42





	1. Day of Honor

The helmet wouldn’t come off.

Of all the stupid, ridiculous ways to die today, Tom really thought the fact that the helmet of the EVA suit wouldn’t disengage might be what finished him off.

Moments earlier they’d crashed to the floor, having materialised in mid-air. Tom had been shaken awake by it.

Lying on the floor of sickbay, he glanced over, to B’Elanna. Wildman was knelt next to her. At least he thought it was Wildman. Blonde hair and blue shoulders were about all he could make out. What about B’Elanna?

She was breathing- wasn’t she? He saw movement out of the corner of his eye. Her EVA helmet discarded.

Even through the suit he heard the Doctor say something about the mechanism, before he picked up a lazer scalpel and used it to destroy the locking ring.

There was a pop of air pressure as the EMH wrenched the defective part of the EVA suit away, causing it to clatter across sickbay.

Tom saw stars of a different kind, and didn’t stay conscious long enough to respond to what the Doctor was saying to him.


	2. Revulsion

As she stepped into the Turbolift she could hear the heavy footsteps of Tom running to catch up with her. He slipped into the Turbolift as the doors closed, panting heavily.   
“B’Elanna-“ he started. 

“Deck nine.” She directed the lift before turning to face him.

“Sorry- The Doctor-.”

Swiftly she moved into his space and mirrored the move he’d pulled on her minutes ago, pushing him against the wall. “I don’t want to talk about him,” she growled as she seized hold of Tom’s head. Her lips pressed hard onto his, her mouth prizing his open. His hands went to her face, returning the kiss and at the same time gently working his way out of it.

As he broke off the kiss she realised he was still in oxygen debt from running. Tom took a few breaths and stroked her face before speaking. 

“I want to be clear about one thing.” He paused, sighing a little before he was able to say his next words. “This- is reciprocal, and I don’t know how you could think for a moment that it isn’t.”

Running her hands over his chest, B’Elanna took a moment, before looking back into his eyes. “I thought you’d say it back.” she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

“You blindsided me.” He reached for her hair and tucked a few lose strands behind her ear. In the EVA suit it had been a recurring thought that he’d never be able to run his hand through her hair. “And, all I could think was we wasted all that time. That we missed our chance.”

The last thing she’d considered was that telling Tom the truth about her feelings might have caused him pain. All she’d been able to think of was her embarrassment that she’d bared her feelings and that they may not be returned. 

“I’m sorry.” She said, her voice as quiet as he’d ever heard her. She felt relief as he pulled her right into his chest. His body felt so warm, she let herself lean in and breathe him in. 

“Don’t be.” Tom wrapped his arms firmly around her, closing his eyes and taking a moment. The nightmare of three days ago, that this was something he’d never have was slipping away into what was for once a joyful reality. He could touch her, feel her against him. He leaned forward and let his lips touch her forehead. 

Looking up, B’Elanna saw Tom break into a smile. Absolute fulfilment. She’d never seen him so happy, and the idea that she was the source of that happiness. She had an idea to make him happier.

“Do you- want to come to my quarters.” She ventured.

His grin became somewhat cheeky. “I’d like that.”

“Now?”

Tom chuckled, incredulous that this appeared to be going from impulse to warp nine in a matter of minutes. She was not inviting him in for coffee. “That’s fast work.”

As the lift slowed down, B’Elanna stepped back out of Tom’s arms, but offered him her hand.

“Well,” she said as the lift doors opened. “Why waste any more time?”

Cautiously, they rounded the corners of deck nine hand in hand, periodically dropping away when they passed any other crew members. 

The moment they passed the threshold into her quarters, matters escalated. Mouths meeting each other in glorious abandon, hands tugging at each other’s clothes as B’Elanna encouraged Tom towards her bed. As she lay down, she pulled Tom against her, leaving him knelt on the edge of the bed, leant over her. 

Sprawled across the blanket, B’Elanna felt her stomach flip as Tom opened her jumpsuit while they kissed. She shrugged her shoulders and sat up a little, slipping out of the top of the jumpsuit. As Tom’s nimble hands pulled her turtleneck off, she wrenched off his top two layers of uniform.

Lying back, B’Elanna gasped as Tom’s hands slipped under her tanktop. His hands on her flesh, strong, skilled fingers sliding up her flat abdomen, then seizing the fabric and pulling it over her head, before he leaned back and pulled his own top off.

Pausing, Tom took a moment to appreciate seeing her stripped down to what was most definitely not a Starfleet issue bra. Black lace was not uniform code. Wearing a smirk, his mind wandered to if it was part of a matching set. Well- he’d find out in the next few minutes. B’Elanna smiled broadly, reaching up to touch him, her fingers winding their way through coarse chest hair. 

Then in a swift move, she grabbed him hard and flipping him over, forced her way on top of him, growling a little. She slipped her jumpsuit down over her hips, Tom decidedly helping and discovering that yes- her underwear was a set. She pulled at his wrist and started to sniff, before pushing her way down to pressing her face to his neck- breathing him in. His hands now reached for her bra clasp. 

“Tell me, what were you so worried about missing out on?” She groaned into his neck as her bra unfastened. She pressed her lips to his throat. 

“Yeah, this was one thing.” He intoned, his hands sliding to her shoulders to fully unclothe her chest. 

“And this?” He froze a moment, having missed her sliding her hand into his pants. She grasped him mercilessly- he was rock hard. 

“Oh God.” He groaned, her fingers tightening and eking out a perfect purgatory of sensation. It was like all the air was sucked out of the room.

Her lips at his ear. “I want you. I want you now.” She whispered urgently. She opened his fly and was slipping his boxers down when- 

“Janeway to Torres.”

There was a millisecond of hesitation before B’Elanna grabbed her com badge from the jumpsuit that was still handing from her thighs. 

“Torres here.” She grimaced, one hand clutching the com badge, her other hand extended out to lay a finger on Tom’s lips, ensuring his silence as she was still crouched on top of him.

“B’Elanna, we’ve picked up a distress call from a ship five light years away. The Doctor has requested you join him on the away mission to respond.”

Tom lay perfectly still, aware that even breathing too loudly may have far reaching consequences. “Uh- right now?” B’Elanna replied, thinking that even ten minutes might be enough to not just abandon this.

The edict like response let them know that was not a possibility. “Did you have other plans Lieutenant?”

Grimacing, B’Elanna replied. “No Captain. I’ll meet the Doctor in shuttle bay 2. Torres out.”

Feeling her frustration, Tom slid his fingers down her bare arm, trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t result in his foot lodged in his mouth, when-.

“Doctor to Lieutenant Paris.”

Of course. I mean, why not? Tom reached for his discarded jacket and grabbed his comm badge. 

“Paris here.” He droned, making no effort to hide his displeasure with his tone of voice.

“It seems your sickbay duties are going to need to start a little earlier than planned. Please report to sickbay now.” 

Suppressing a sigh, Tom snapped back. “I’ll be there in five minutes, Doc. Paris out.” 

“Unbelievable.” He intoned, reaching to B’Elanna’s back and refastening her bra. 

“Oh believe it.” She intoned as she grabbed her tank top and pulled it back over her head. “As soon as I’m back-.” They both paused to work out whose turtleneck was whose “-we’ll pick this up.”

“You don’t think we could make him wait?” Tom asked, feeling more of a hint of disappointment as she pulled her arms back in to her jumpsuit. She smiled at him but didn’t respond.

“Why are you working in sickbay?” She asked instead.

“Oh, one of life’s little joys.” Tom complained as he straightened the collar on his turtleneck. She reached up to help. “I’m the new nurse.”

“Really?” She grinned, before pulling him back against her. “Well, I’ll have to wait a little longer to test out that bedside manner.”

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************  
After three hours, the return shuttle ride was beyond unpleasant.

Having managed to set the helm on the shuttle, B’Elanna sat back and tried not to think too much about the increasing pain in her chest. 

Now she felt much worse. She needed to hold out a little longer. Then sickbay, much better painkillers and Tom. Tom making stupid jokes to try and keep her calm with that warm smile. His long fingers clutching her hand. Those eyes-.

This should have been easy. She should be going back to resume what they left unfinished, but right now she was doubting if she’d get back to him.

The kiss they’d shared, that minutes later almost became a consummation before they were both called away. Grimacing and fighting the urge to say to hell with it and continue wrapping themselves around each other. His breath on her neck, arms pulling her against him and feeling his want for her as they pressed together. Dammit. She just wanted an hour with him.

“B’Elanna- try and stay conscious.” She opened her eyes to see the EMH crouching next to her. 

She tried to take a deeper breath but it was like being stabbed. The hologram placed a hand on her shoulder, in something approximating a bedside manner.

“You- look- worried.” She staggered out as she breathed haltingly. The Doctor raised his eyebrows and reviewed his tricorder. 

“Your blood pressure is still falling. Believe me, my expression will change for the better when we get to sickbay.” The tiniest smirk crossed his face. 

She would have appreciated his attempt at humour if the pain in her chest hadn’t become so searing. She gasped, hearing how breathless she sounded as she tried to take in air.

“Lean forward.” The Doctor pulled at her shoulder. “Try to keep your breathing shallow and steady.”

She was getting lightheaded. It took all her concentration to resist the urge to breathe deeply. She started blinking slowly. The Doctor supporting her as she remained upright but verging on unconscious.

Through the haze of faintness, she could hear the computer. “Now in communication range to USS Voyager.” She felt the Doctor’s hand on her shoulder.

“Computer, hail them. Voyager this is the Doctor. How long before we’re in Transporter range?”

“Tuvok here.” Came the reassuring timbre. “Approximately 6 minutes Doctor. Do you require assistance?”

“Lieutenant Torres is injured. She needs immediate medical attention.”

“Helm. Move to intercept the shuttle. Doctor, prepare to beam to Sickbay in the next two minutes.”

If B’Elanna hadn’t known better she’d have sworn she heard a sigh of relief from the Doctor. “Thank you Commander.”

The next few minutes stretched on, B’Elanna silently telling herself she was nearly there, and to damn well stay with it.

“Doctor- stand by for transporter.” Tuvok intoned.

She felt the EMH pulling at her shoulders, reaching for her arm. “B’Elanna- try to stand.”

She grabbed hold of the EMH and pulled herself up, then almost doubled over. Gripping the arm of the Doctor, everything started to grey out. 

The shuttle faded out and sickbay faded in. B’Elanna didn’t even see Tom- just heard him say her name- the weight of her ailing body vanishing as she sank into his open arms. Her vision faded, but she didn’t quite pass out. She could follow the conversation.

Having turned at the sound of the transporter, Tom had merely reacted to the sight of the Doctor propping B’Elanna up, her head hanging low and body threatening to plunge to the floor. He went to her before he could even think about it, gathering her in his arms and lifting- her head lolled against his chest. She groaned in pain, but didn’t manage any words. 

“What the hell happened?” Tom asked the EMH as he lowered her carefully onto the nearest biobed. He stopped and swept her hair from her face, catching sight of the gash on her head. 

“She had a run-in with a homicidal hologram.” The EMH intoned. “Believe me, if she were any less tenacious she’d be dead.” The Doctor crossed sickbay to gather equipment, deciding it would be less time consuming than barking orders at his new medic who was rather wrapped up in their patient.

Tom picked up a medical tricorder to make his own assessment of the situation. “Cardiac Tamponade?”

“Correct diagnosis Lieutenant.” The EMH responded with some surprise. Perhaps his new medic was more competent than he’d given him credit for. “Caused by perforation of fourth ventricle.”

“How?” Tom asked, reaching for a blanket and draping it over her.

“Our host attempted to enact the adjective of heart-wrenching.” The EMH moved closer, holding out a hypospray. “Here- Trioxin. Please remove enough clothing for Pericardiocentisis.”

Tom paused. Taking a moment. “Now is not the time to be bashful, Mr Paris.”

Unable to disagree, Tom lent back over his- well. What were they? More than friends? Hadn’t quite managed to be lovers yet? Hmm. He’d have to work on that.   
He pressed the hypospray to her neck, seeing clearly that her veins were enlarged, her skin pale. He touched her face, running his fingertips over her cheek, running in a circle to her jaw. Her skin was unusually cool, especially for a half-Klingon. 

“Tom-.” B’Elanna whispered, the drug gave her enough breath to talk. She flickered her eyes open and received the warm smile she was hoping for.

“Hey- I’m right here.” She wasn’t sure how he could look so worried and so damn enticing at the same time. Tom ran his thumb over her cheek before scooping her up and holding her in a sitting position “I thought you were going to be careful.”

“What’s happening?” She asked, a little confused that Tom seemed to be undressing her as he pulled at her uniform.

“Just a quick routine procedure- that you need fewer items of clothing for.”

Despite the situation and grogginess, she was still able to offer her half scowl, half smile as Tom managed to unfasten the top half of the jumpsuit and remove the turtleneck. She tried not to think about the last time he was pulling her clothes off.

“Now, we both know I’m too much of a professional to say something that anyone could be get the wrong idea about-.” He paused as she lay back and he pushed the straps of her bra and tanktop down, before plunging the neckline to halfway down her cleavage. 

He couldn’t help himself but look, and smirked before meeting her eyes. “But if I were to say something- I would extend my vast compliments Lt.”

“Careful-“ she intoned with feigned warning. 

“Apparently neither of us are very good with that word.” He pulled the blanket he’d placed on her higher, and picked up her hand, wrapping his long fingers around hers. “I didn’t realise you were going to be giving your heart to anyone else.”

“It wasn’t planned.” Her eyes closed, feeling the exhaustion overcoming her. Another hypo pressed to her neck.

“B’Elanna- B’Elanna stay awake.” 

She opened her eyes again to see Tom’s eyes, blue and full of concern. Who wouldn’t be in love with someone with eyes like that? The sharp pain in her chest dulled and a smile crossed her lips.

She felt herself relax and started blinking slowly, the conversation between the Doctor and Tom got difficult to follow. 

The Doctor was stood over her, instrument in hand. B’Elanna couldn’t follow what he was saying but understood he was about to treat her.

There was pressure on her chest, but she concentrated on Tom. He cradled her head with one hand and had a dermal regenerator in the other. What was he-? Oh. Right. Head wound.

He was quiet. He was so rarely quiet it was strange to watch him not talk. The only time he was this quiet was when he was pulling some intensive manoeuvres at the helm. She watched him work. Occasionally catching his eye and getting a reassuring smile.

Definitely worth living for. 

*******************************************************************************************************************************************************************

B’Elanna did not remember falling asleep on her sofa. But waking up to the door on her quarters chiming suggested she’d been unconscious. She sat up, groggy and still half under her blanket. Arms exposed from stripping back to her tank top. “Hmmm?” Was all she managed as a response.

The doors slid back and Tom, stepped in, his face shifting to a warm grin as he realised she was half awake. He hadn’t been sure until that moment it was possible for a half-Klingon to look so cute. “Did you take a nap?” He asked as he sat down next to her.

“Apparently.” She stretched and yawned as she spoke. “What time is it?”

“17.40. You feeling ok?”

“I’m fine.” She pointedly pulled her feet up and rested them on Tom’s lap. “And that wasn’t the side of the bedside manner I was hoping for.”

Tom’s hand snaked up her leg, cautiously reaching to her thigh. “O.K. Are you sure-“

“Tom.” 

He replied with a grin, leaning towards her. “Just making sure I won’t have to call for a medical emergency while I’m out of uniform.” Leaning in closer, Tom cupped her face, his finger tracing her jaw. “Speaking of- precautions have been taken.”

He’d been about to kiss her, when she gave a reply he hadn’t expected.

“Oh. Right.”

Pausing, Tom gave her an enquiring look. 

“You probably don’t need to bother.” The look on his face told her that he needed more than that. “Not got that far in your reading?”

“Clearly not.” Feeling the tone shift, Tom backed off. Still unsure what it was she was saying. Her eyes darted downwards and she started picking at the blanket.

She took a moment. “I think the phrase you’re looking for is- statistically infertile. The odds of me conceiving naturally are negligible.”

Of all the places Tom had expected their conversations to go, this was not one of them. He understood, she was trying to open about this. Letting him know. In truth, he felt a pinch of sadness. “I’m sorry.” 

She smiled, a little too easily. “For what? I’d be a terrible mother.”

There were a hundred replies to that running through Tom’s head. What were the odds she’d be a fantastic chief engineer? Or that he’d be sat on her sofa, ready to start a relationship? She’d probably be as good a mother as she was at everything else, but maybe it was easier for her to just dismiss the idea. In the end he left it alone. That was a discussion for another day.

His only response to her comment was to lean in and kiss her, terminating the conversation, she responded eagerly. Grasping at his shoulders and neck, drawing him towards her before being pulled upwards as he stood. Keeping the kiss going as they shifted into the bedroom.

Finally, she broke off and pulled away, reflecting the grin on his face as she knelt on the bed. “Now, where were we?” He intoned playfully, staying stood for now.  
B’Elanna’s response was to pull off her tanktop and bra in what passed for a single motion. 

She found herself beaming as Tom failed to find words. Eventually, the best he could come up with was- 

“Wow.”

Reaching her hand for his, she drew him to sit on the bed beside her. He began nuzzling at her neck, while a cautious hand ran fingertips over the soft swell of her breast. 

“Are you about to extend your compliments again?” She whispered fiercely as she pulled his tunic open. 

“Actually,” He strained as some of his clothing became uncomfortably tight, “-other things are extending right now.”

Within thirty seconds the rest of their clothing was gone. Tom had looked appreciatively at everything he hadn’t quite seen the previous day. B’Elanna was more guarded but revelled in touching his chest and bare shoulder, trying to ignore that knot of trepidation as she felt him hard against her. 

Her fingers stroking at him, causing him to gasp. Then pushing him flat as she lowered onto him. She felt wonderful around him, but it wasn’t what he’d imagined. She wasn’t- he started thrusting gently. 

He went to stroke between her legs, his finger momentarily finding how slick she was. She batted his arm away with her thigh. He tried again. “Don’t.” Instead he reached for her sides, his long fingers curving around her back. 

B’Elanna had closed her eyes, as if focusing hard. Tom was too far gone to question why, because the sight of her on top of him, the feel of her flesh and thrusting into her after so long led to its expected conclusion far quicker than he had anticipated. For a brief moment, the room was airless.

It occurred to Tom that, this had been rather tame. Enjoyable but, far from what he had expected. As the head rush wore off, he realised that she hadn’t really enjoyed a moment of it. She’d only tried to please him- in fact she wouldn’t even let him try and pleasure her. 

She moved back away from him, seeing in his eyes that he was unsure about what they had just done. 

“Hey.” He touched her shoulder as she perched on the edge of the bed. “What’s going on?”

“It’s stupid.” She mumbled, pulling her knees up and hugging them to her chest. She felt Tom’s long fingers tracing small circles over her lower back. 

“If you don’t want-“

“I do.” B’Elanna turned to him, uncomfortable but also desperate not to ruin what was passing between them. “I really do. It’s-.“

Racking his brain, Tom tried to think what she could possibly be trying to say. “What?”

Retreating and turning away again, she clammed back up “Nothing.” She whispered fiercely. 

Sitting up, Tom found it almost impossible to read the situation. Was this what a relationship with her was going to be like? He’d have to keep guessing until he hit upon the problem? Not only was that insane, but she also didn’t have the patience to wait for him to figure it out.

Trying a different tactic, Tom shifted towards her, and pressed his lips to her bare shoulder. “OK. I can’t lie here and guess what you’re thinking. So, you can tell me, or I’ll replicate some pizza and we’ll eat instead.”

He’d hoped that would work, but she stayed where she was, closed off. She may as well have been a thousand light years away. 

Giving in to frustration, Tom pushed his feet off the edge of the bed to the floor. “You’re still not willing to let me in.”

Before he could try and stand B’Elanna turned to him. “If-“ She paused and tried again. “If I get going, then- she’s going to come out.”

Tom wore a face of utter confusion.

“The Klingon.” She confirmed. It was funny how that word managed to make her sound more Klingon. The accent spilled through as she said it. 

“What’s wrong with that?” He replied, not seeing the problem, but trying to sound sympathetic. Her fingers reached for his hand.

“I don’t want to hurt you- and…” She looked right into his eyes, determined to trust him with this, despite herself. “I don’t want to find out this is some kind of- exoticism.” As she spoke he reached for her face. “Everyone I’m with is some sort of hero for having sex with a half-Klingon.”

“You’re worried I’m going to see up close the well concealed and almost undetectable Klingon half that you keep reigned in so well?” He said with a hint of humour, pulling her towards him. “Come here.”

B’Elanna let Tom pull her against him before they both lay back down on their sides and facing each other. Tom propped himself up on one elbow while his other hand ran over her neck, shoulder, side, waist and hip, caressing and appreciating her exposed curves. 

Letting a few moments pass, Tom only started speaking when he was sure he had the right words to reassure her. “B’Elanna- I’m not here because I expect you to be a certain way. I’m not here because I think you’ll be a challenge or so I can consider this an experience. I’m here because-.” He took a moment, smiling as he revelled in being with her, and he wanted her to know as much. 

He stopped stroking her and slipped his arm around her back, pulling her right against him. “Because I’m in love- with a brilliant, beautiful, complex woman who happens to be of mixed heritage.”

The smallest breath of relief came from her, she’d needed to hear him say that. His fingers fluttered at the small of her back as he continued. “Now, if you’re not in the mood, or you’ve changed your mind or you’re not ready that’s ok. But- it’s you I want. All of you.”

Leaning forward, he planted a light kiss on her ridged forehead, a tribute of love offered up to her non-human ancestry. 

“So- Pizza or, we try again.” He intoned with a smile.

Her eyes closed a moment, before she pressed her lips to his and spoke again. “Promise me you won’t try and carry on if you break a bone?”

“I know when to tap out.” His hand went to her thigh and pushed her to lie on her back. “Well- I’m a round behind.”

“It’s not a competion, Tom.” She intoned as she felt his hand slip between her legs, his finger curling and exciting her with each flex and caress. A gentle moan rose from her lips. 

“So- I should stop-.” Tom whispered into her ear. A growl lifted from her throat as he continued. That was more like it.

He started kissing her, causing her moans to grow louder. Trailing down her neck, over her shoulder, taking a moment to suckle her breast. She gasped loudly, feeling his breath against her wet flesh. “See- you really did want this.”

“Why don’t you shut up and put that tongue to good use for once?” She growled, knowing that those talented fingers would never match up to what his mouth could give her. 

“I thought you’d never ask.” He grinned.


	3. Scientific Method

Every now and then she tried to take a breath. Despite the heavy sedation and the fact that her lungs no longer processed oxygen, she kept trying to breathe. Her Klingon autonomic responses couldn’t be stopped, even though they were rendered pointless.

When she was brought in, she was inches from death. Her skin pallid, lips and fingernails tinged blue. Tom wanted to scream, to panic. He suppressed it, falling back on the command school training he’d never counted on needing. Mercifully she still had a pulse- she hadn’t surrendered herself yet.

He’d put her on respiratory support without processing what was happening. It kept her from death- but little else. She was incapable of breathing, and it happened right as her and the Doctor appeared to be on the verge of a discovery. Either there was some sort of malice, or the universe really had it in for her lately.

Stopping to check on her, Tom scanned again. She was unconscious, he needed to be sure of that. At least she wouldn’t wake gasping, she would never realise how close to death she was. Couldn’t ask for him to let her go.

She might not recover. She could not survive like this indefinitely. What if the last time they talked was in the turbolift before the Captain chewed them out? What if the last time he touched her, kissed her, held her- was interrupted by Tuvok?

What if these terrible hours where she would occasionally gasp for breath were all that was left for them? If he actually had to watch her suffocate this time.

He reached for her hand, enclosing his fingers around hers. He leaned in, not wanting the rest of the Sickbay to hear him. He needed a moment- just a few minutes with her.

Tom raised a bleak smile, grateful she was unconscious but desperate for her to open her eyes. He began to speak in hushed tones. “I wish we’d done this sooner. That we hadn’t wasted so much time.”

He stopped a moment, smiling a little more now. His eyes sparking with the recollection of her.

“I mean- not all of it was wasted.” He stroked her hand. “The flirting, the hoping you’d see me look at you- or hoping you wouldn’t. Telling myself that, I’d do anything for you. That I’d be patient, I could wait until you were ready.”

He paused again, reminding himself of his feelings from a few weeks prior. Arguing in the Corridor and almost finding himself at the wrong end of a Bat’leth. The braid in her hair when he saw her in the mess hall. “That you didn’t love me but, maybe one day you would. That I’d be worthy. None of that was a waste.”

“These past few weeks, they’ve been- more than I ever hoped for. I’ve been thriving on the idea that you love me- that I’ve really got something right this time.” His voice cracked a little. “It’s helluva come down I can tell you.”

He’d been awake for twenty two hours. Hadn’t eaten in at least eighteen hours, and had been running sickbay for the last sixteen. He reminded himself of that as quickly wiped the moisture from his eyes. It wasn’t like him to get tearful. “Sorry. Having a tough day.”

Pulling himself together, he tried again. “I’m gonna be right here- no matter what happens. I promise you.”

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************

The Doctor injected her with the compound, and Tom held his breath.

_I don’t need you to love me. I don’t need you to be brilliant. I don’t need you to be beautiful. I don’t need you to smile at me and flash those come to bed eyes- I just need you to breathe._

There finally comes a slow inhale- that’s followed by an exhale. Her chest rises and falls. Again. Tom looked to the Doctor.

At last, the Doctor spoke in a hushed voice. “Her lungs are working.”

Tom found himself gasping air into his own body to counter the fear he’d felt, his eyes closing for a second.

“Mr Paris?” The Doctor asked with momentary concern.

“Fine. I’m fine Doc.” He breathed out, refocusing his attention on B’Elanna. He reached across to her hand.

“She should regain consciousness in the next few minutes.” The Doctor paused. “Monitor her, I’ll see to the others.”

Within a few moments, her eyelids fluttered before she opened her eyes.

She blinked a few times, and Tom lightly squeezed her hand. “B’Elanna?”

“Mmmmm?” She blinked a few more times before she was able to focus. She couldn’t help but smile, even if she was still incredibly drowsy. “Hi.”

“Hey there.”

Her eyes darted.

“You look like hell.”

Unable to help himself, Tom laughed in response. “Thanks. That is- absolutely the look I was going for. How do you feel?”

“Really groggy. Little bit lightheaded.”

“That’s no surprise.” Tom had started to say but found he had to contend with B’Elanna attempting to sit up. He reached across and pushed down on her shoulder. “Hey- stay where you are.”

He was unsure if she was complying through choice, or was so weak that he was able to push her back down with little resistance.

She closed her eyes for a moment. Trying to sit up had made her dizzy.

“Why am I in sickbay?” Her voice sounded husky now. 

“You don’t remember?”

B’Elanna shook her head lightly in reply. Tom lent down closer to her, cupping her cheek with his hand. She rolled her lips to his palm.

“You and the Doctor found that interphasic aliens were running experiments on us. And when you realised that they attacked you.”

“Oh. Did I nearly suffocate again?”

Silence. It sounded like a casual question, but Tom couldn’t quite manage a reply to that.

Tentatively, B’Elanna reached up and touched Tom’s face, feeling a layer of stubble as she ran her fingers over his cheek. He reached his hand to hers and kissed her palm. It was as much as he could allow himself.

Yesterday he’d not been able to look at her without thinking about her skin on his, the rush of intimacy and being in absolute rapture to her. Right now he’d take curling up next to her, the thought of lovemaking was too much. He’d gotten too close to losing her.

“You OK?” She asked, her head suddenly gaining clarity.

A smile forced its way through and onto Tom’s weary face. “Yeah. I’m fine now.”


End file.
